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奧巴馬開學演講中的托福SAT寫作滿分密碼

奧巴馬在2009年9月在美國中學以《我們為什么要上學》為主題的演講視頻在中國乃至世界持續產生了很大的影響,擁有巨大的點擊量,尤其是在2015年9月開學期間這篇演講在中國的微信朋友圈中瘋傳。

河南波瑞吉文化發展有限公司歡迎您!波瑞吉留學 留學整體解決方案 發布時間:2015-11-3 10:09:03 [字體放大] [字體縮小]

 奧巴馬在2009年9月在美國中學以《我們為什么要上學》為主題的演講視頻在中國乃至世界持續產生了很大的影響,擁有巨大的點擊量,尤其是在2015年9月開學期間這篇演講在中國的微信朋友圈中瘋傳。這篇演講發自肺腑、勵志、感人,值得所有的學生、老師和家長反復觀看和學習。今天,我重點從托福和SAT寫作角度剖析奧巴馬這篇演講稿,幫助同學們學習這篇感動世界的開學演講中蘊含著的托福和SAT寫作滿分的密碼,從而取得托福和SAT寫作的高分,甚至滿分。
  奧巴馬演講的語言風格最為明顯的特征就是:大量并列排比結構的運用。同學們可以學習模仿這位哈佛大學法學博士,首位連任兩屆的美國黑人總統是如何運用并列排比結構來增強自己語言的多樣性,內容的豐富性和論證的氣勢和說服力的。
  并列排比結構可以是詞匯的并列、可以是短語的并列、可以是從句的并列、也可以是主句的并列,還可以是例子的并列。通過并列排比結構的運用可以拓展主體段例證的細節,充實主體段內容的豐富性,并且增強整個托福SAT論說性議論文的說服力。
  一、詞匯的并列排比在奧巴馬開學演講中的體現
  詞匯的并列主要是實詞(名詞、動詞、形容詞、副詞)的并列,詞匯的并列運用可以滲透在主體段的說理和解釋的過程中,作為舉例和拓展細節的重要手法,也能夠讓語言顯得更加豐富多樣。
  “And no matter what you want to do with your life, I guarantee that you'll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You're going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You cannot drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You've got to train for it and work for it and learn for it.”
  如下劃線部分所示:在這段內容中,奧巴馬通過并列一些名詞:doctor, teacher, police officer, nurse, architect, lawyer等,以及通過動詞的并列排比:train, work, learn,來拓展細節,舉例論證強調了觀點:不管將來做,都應該接受基本的教育才能夠勝任。
  二、短語的并列排比在奧巴馬開學演講中的體現
  短語的并列可以是:形容詞短語、介詞短語、不定式短語、現在分詞短語、過去分詞短語等。在托福SAT寫作的主體段論證過程中,可以通過一些短語的并列排比來拓展細節。
  “That's why today I'm calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education -- and do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending some time each day reading a book.”
  在這段話中,奧巴馬通過動名詞短語的并列:doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending some time each day reading a book,來指出學生可能的“目標”類型進行了舉例拓展。
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  三、從句的并列排比在奧巴馬開學演講中的體現
  從句的并列排比可以是主語從句、賓語從句、表語從句、同位語從句的并列排比;可以是定語從句的并列排比,也可以是各種狀語從句的并列排比。
  “But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, the best schools in the world -- and none of it will make a difference, none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities, unless you show up to those schools, unless you pay attention to those teachers, unless you listen to your parents and grandparents and other adults and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. That's what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education.”
  在這段話中,奧巴馬通過4個unless引導的條件狀語從句的連環并列排比突出強調了自己的演講主題“學生自己要承擔自己教育的責任”,否則即使有負責的老師,即使有支持的家長,即使有最好的學校,一切都是白搭。這樣的并列的氣勢使得論證的氣勢大大加強。
  四、整個主句的并列排比在奧巴馬開學演講中的體現
  整個主句的并列排比結構用在托福或者SAT的寫作主體段中,可以對一些宏觀性的題目:比如涉及政府、社會、時代、國家、科技、環境、城市等,進行舉例,顯得角度多樣,內容充實。
  例1:“Now, I've given a lot of speeches about education. And I've talked about responsibility a lot. I've talked about teachers' responsibility for inspiring students and pushing you to learn. I've talked about your parents' responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and you get your homework done, and don't spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with the Xbox. I've talked a lot about your government's responsibility for setting high standards, and supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren't working, where students aren't getting the opportunities that they deserve.”
  在這段話中,奧巴馬用了4個I’ve開頭的完成時態句子并列排比來分別說明自己已經強調過了“老師”在教育中的責任,強調過了“父母”在教育中的責任,也強調過了“政府”在教育中的責任。但是,今天重點要強調“學生自己”在教育中的責任。
  例2:“Maybe you'll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you'll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all young people deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you'll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn.”
  在本段中,奧巴馬通過3個Maybe you’ll decide to的并列結構來拓展細節,說明學生可以回嘗試做出很多方面的積極改變。
  例3:“The truth is, being successful is hard. You won't love every subject that you study. You won't click with every teacher that you have. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right at this minute. And you won't necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.”
  在這段話中,奧巴馬通過4個并列的句子(其中3個以You won’t開頭的句子),來針對首句“The truth is, being successful is hard.”這句抽象的觀點,進行具體的闡述和說明:說明成功不是一帆風順的,學生可能會遇到一系列的不順利的事情。同學們要注意學習這樣的手法,讓自己在托福和SAT寫作中的任何一個抽象的觀點都要有例子和細節的證據支撐和拓展。
  例4:“So today, I want to ask all of you, what's your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a President who comes here in 20 or 50 or 100 years say about what all of you did for this country?”
  在這段話中,奧巴馬通過四個what開頭的問句來連環排比提問,引發了學生對于自己未來夢想的思考。這樣的排比+問句的手法很有氣勢!
  例5:“So I expect all of you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don't let us down. Don't let your family down or your country down. Most of all, don't let yourself down. Make us all proud.”
  在演講的最后,奧巴馬通過三個連環的I expect排比句型,以及三個Don’t let...down的排比結構層層遞進來號召同學們行動起來,不要讓自己、家人和國家失望!將演講提升到了高潮!同學們也可以像這樣在托福后者SAT寫作的全文最后結尾部分提出一定的引申和建議。
  五、例子的并列排比在奧巴馬開學演講中的體現
  將例子的并列排比運用在一個托福或者SAT的主體段內,能夠極大地充實主體段內容,增強例證的豐富性和例證的廣泛性,避免以偏概全和空洞論證。同學們可以學習下面這段例子并列排比手法的運用來增強自己托福或者SAT寫作主體段例證充分度和細節完善度。
  “Where you are right now doesn't have to determine where you'll end up. No one's written your destiny for you, because here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future. That's what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.
  Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn't speak English when she first started school. Neither of her parents had gone to college. But she worked hard, earned good grades, and got a scholarship to Brown University -- is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to becoming Dr. Jazmin Perez.
  I'm thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who's fought brain cancer since he was three. He's had to endure all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer -- hundreds of extra hours -- to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind. He's headed to college this fall.
  And then there's Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods in the city, she managed to get a job at a local health care center, start a program to keep young people out of gangs, and she's on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.
  And Jazmin, Andoni, and Shantell aren't any different from any of you. They face challenges in their lives just like you do. In some cases they've got it a lot worse off than many of you. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their lives, for their education, and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.”
  在開頭,奧巴馬首先提出了主題句:在美國你書寫你自己的命運。然后通過三個并列的不同事跡的真實例子,分別是:Jazmin Perez,Andoni Schultz和Shantell Steve三個人物的故事來作為充實的例證來支持自己的觀點:在美國,無論你的出身和條件怎樣,最終你自己決定自己未來的命運。這三個例子內容細節非常詳實:有who, where, what, why, how, when這樣的細節要素,并且例子切題,具有典型性。說完這三個例子之后,最后,他總結了這三個例子,重申了段落開頭的觀點:“所有的學生都要像例子中的人物學習,來對自己的未來負責,永不放棄”。這樣的結構和內容完美地體現了例子的三要素:例子的引入+例子的實質內容+例子的扣題性解釋。這樣的內容,不僅具有說服力,還具有很強的勵志效果。非常值得同學們認真體會和學習,講這樣的結構和手法用在自己托福和SAT寫作中,很難不取得高分,甚至滿分。
  當然,這篇文章在觀點明確、結構思路清晰、邏輯連貫、論證充分、讓步合理、語言豐富等很多方面都有大量的亮點值得挖掘和學習,由于篇幅所限,這次我們重點從“并列排比結構”這樣一個奧巴馬演講最為突出的特點出發來分析和解剖了同學們可以在托福和SAT寫作的語言和論證中借鑒和學習的滿分密碼和武器。同學們可以嘗試模仿和改寫這些例子,嘗試在自己的寫作中運用一些詞匯的并列、短語的并列、從句的并列、主句的并列以及例子的并列來讓自己的托福和SAT作文具有總統演講般的說服力和魅力光彩,從而在考試中脫穎而出!
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